


Three Nasty Women, Spray Paint and an Inauguration

by EffortlesslyUncool



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: And grandiose speeches about nothing relevant to their respective World issues, Au-ish because of twitter mention as well as other creative liberties taken, Gen, Girl Power, Implied AerTi?, Nasty women, Shameless parallels drawn between trump and rufus, Sorry not sorry they both have a thing for their hair, Vandalism, Women Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 19:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14879694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EffortlesslyUncool/pseuds/EffortlesslyUncool
Summary: Tifa, Aerith and Yuffie veer off course in Junon to show Rufus ShinRa some appreciation. One shot.





	Three Nasty Women, Spray Paint and an Inauguration

**Author's Note:**

> Written partly out of spite and for fun because Aerith/Aeris is not a saint and I'm determined to write more in which she's getting up to no good.
> 
> Also, T rating is precautionary.

 

The day was aging quickly under the setting sun when the door burst open and the young Ninja just about fell through it before slamming it back shut.

“What ya say to a little artwork girls?”

Tifa swung her legs from the arm rest and sat up in the arm chair, eyeing Yuffie, “That you need your title as Ninja removed.”

The small girl stuck her tongue out, dumping the bucket of spray paint cans onto the table. “Their windows weren't locked, a'ight?”

Aerith looked between the younger girl and the brawler, turning her head away from Yuffie and hiding the smirk she shared with Tifa with an exaggerated stretch as she too peered at Yuffie and the buckets she entered the home with.

“Do you have a moral compass...any grasp on the concept of ownership?” Tifa asked, eyebrows raised and walking to the table. She shook one of the cans.

“Yea yea. Whatever... That's rich for a heathen terrorist. Listen I got the primary colours, white and black. We got three overalls and some masks. I'm thinkin' we show ShinRa some love.”

Aerith toyed with one of the worn, old baseball caps and placed it on her head backwards, “I suppose the buildings in Upper Junon could use a lick of paint in time for their new President...” She looked up.

Tifa was smiling at her, still. Mischief flickered across her face in the form of twitching lips and the light from the window giving way to an illusion of a sparkle against the wine in her eyes, “I'm game if you are.”

“Here's the thing. I found some painting company credentials too. What say you two sweet talk that guard by the elevator? We flash the ID's and wing it from there.” Yuffie exclaimed, flailing her arms energetically in the air.

“Genius! When do we start?” Tifa quipped sarcastically as she pulled her mass of hair into a bun.

“Quit takin' the piss Boobs. This is serious.”

Tifa dropped her arms, “What did I say?!” She strode into the bathroom, and returned with a rag and a bottle. Chloroform. Odin only knows why Priscilla's parents had that in an unlocked cabinet, though she wasn't going to argue with Tifa who wasn't necessarily willing to use her cleavage to her fullest advantage. The blue dress hadn't exposed that much even when she was trying to look alluring, to get to Corneo.

Aerith snatched one of the t-shirts and overalls, whispering into Tifa's ear as she scooted by, “Behave, she's a baby.”

“A baby with amaze-balls hearing. I hear you whispering ya know.” Yuffie quipped defensively, already dressed in the ragged painters attire.

“Where are we going? We haven't got a chance in hell of painting a building on the main street without being seen.” Tifa asked, tugging on the work clothes and Aerith doing the same.

“I got it covered! Trust meeee,” Yuffie sang, “I was up there earlier and spoke to a man spitting on Rufus' mug shot plastered on a banner who knows a woman who knows another woman who owns a popular cafe in one of the backstreets and she's pro Wutai. He said that she said that she'd turn a blind eye to any anti ShinRa antics. Thats our in. We should be good to do it after dark.” The ninja grinned sheepishly, in response to the expression of disbelief written on the brawler's face.

“Yeah! Totally free and clear! What's a little vandalism when we're wanted for genocide.” Tifa replied, snickering lightly.

“THAT'S what I'm talking about!” Yuffie said with clenched fists, punching the air.

Aerith untied the ribbon from her hair, unraveling the braid carefully. What to do with her mother's materia? Rolling it between her fingers, she slotted it into one of the pockets; making a mental note to remember it was there. “Tifa, lemme see your wrist.”

“Huh?” She held her arm out anyway, and Aerith slid one of the hair ties from the base of her hand.

“Thanks,” Aerith grinned, replicating the Tifa's hairdo with her own, “We're missing some final touches-”

“...We don't look like painters.” Tifa replied, scrunching her face. Aerith nodded. Even with days of dirt caked over their exposed skin, they weren't covered in the evidence of their new trade.

Yuffie shrieked, “Oooh I got it covered...I guess I dropped the can of primer...”

“Klutz.” Tifa muttered under her breath. Aerith thrust an elbow into her ribs, “Yeouch!”

“Cry baby.” Aerith chuckled, rolling her eyes at Tifa as the Ninja returned, fighting the lid on the small tin and managing to spray droplets of white primer paint across Priscilla's parents' floor.

“I'm not wrong though,” She replied, scrutinizing Yuffie, “Well, you look authentic. I'll give you that.”

“You shaddap!” Yuffie yapped, dipping her index finger and thumb into the paint, “Here.”

She reached up on her tip-toes, and smeared paint across Tifa's face. When finished, she turned to Aerith and marked her face too, albeit varying the direction of the strikes to avoid looking too coordinated.

Tifa's arm darted in front of her as a blur, and Aerith felt a cold swipe across her nose as Tifa's finger smudged a healthy dollop of paint on the tip of it. “Boop, your nose...” Tifa's grinned playfully.

She was poised to dunk her hand in, when Yuffie turned her attention and snatched the can away; scowling and holding her index finger up accusingly toward Aerith, “We ain't returning a set of overalls with your hand-print slapped across the left ass cheek. Git away from Tifa.”

She swallowed the giggle while her jaws bore an ache from forcing her face to remain in neutral. Tifa's face turned fifty different shades of pink down to her neck, “...I dunno what you're talking about.”

“Ya face will look goofy as hell when ya nose starts growin'. C'mon we gotta go- ”

“Time to welcome the Hair-Furor into town,” Tifa said quickly, hooking the bucket of paints onto her forearm. “Shall we?”

Approaching the lone guard at the elevator to Upper Junon had been the most nerve wracking. The guard had been quick to tighten his grip on his assault weapon. Funny, considering he had no way of knowing that they were much more capable than they must have appeared. Three presumably un-armed women.

He bought the fib that they had been commissioned last minute to repaint road markings and while he fumbled with the electronic key card, Tifa thrust the cloth soaked in Chloroform under his nose – catching him as his body passed into unconsciousness and sat him carefully upright on the ground and Yuffie pulled an empty vodka bottle from some bushes nearby – setting it next to his hand.

 

* * *

 

 

The city seemed quiet, maybe they were under a curfew? No, that couldn't be quite right as there were affluent children of military families playing mindfully outside of apartment homes and their parents sitting off to the side – none of them paying much heed to their presence nor were there any patrol officers walking around that they had seen. Walking briskly behind Yuffie, they wove through alleys and cobbled streets to the quaint cafe they'd been clued to.

It was quite dark, now that they'd arrived. The flood light above the entrance to the cafe shut off, coincidentally at the same time that the PHS started ringing. They jumped. Tifa answered.

“Hey. We're fine... no. Noone followed us -Yes. I'm positive. Cloud! For pity's sake, I've been doing the stealth scene longer than you have. She's fine. We're all fine-”

“We're fine, Cloud!” Both Yuffie and Aerith sang over Tifa's shoulders, into the microphone. Tifa ended the call, slotting the phone into one of the pockets.

“Silly chocobo,” Aerith said vacantly.

“He'd get us caught. Ya can't hide his hair under nuthin'.”

“Or convince him to separate from his sword.” Tifa shook her head. She diligently lined the cans of paint on the ground.

“There isn't a disguise on this planet that would hide the sword,” Aerith chuckled. She considered the space they had to decorate. “Shame we don't have a ladder.”

Yuffie snapped her head up. She was looking at an obscure sketch on a crumpled piece of paper. “Bullshet. I can climb that gutter piping and hitch a rope and we can hang from it..”

“Noone is climbing! Let's just do this. No injuries please...” The barmaid pleaded.

“Yes, mom.” Yuffie whined. “You and Cloudy are the same.”

“And if you ask him nicely enough, he might wear a dress again too.” Tifa and Yuffie quickly regarded her, their eyebrows missing in action presumably swallowed by their hairlines.

“Okay thennn... inside joke?” Yuffie asked.

“No, Aerith and Cloud showed up at the Honey Bee Inn to 'rescue me' and Cloud was wearing a complete get up. I had no idea...”

“He makes such a pretty girl!” Aerith giggled.

“Wha-?” Yuffie closed her mouth. “What's the Honey Bee Inn?”

Aerith picked up the can of black paint and initiated spraying the wall and making a start on her design.“Ah...It's a brothel.”

The ninja sprayed a mouthful of water at the ground, snorting. “Teeeef! Why were you skulking 'round a sex hotel?”

“We needed answers regarding ShinRa.”

Yuffie ignored her and continued her not-so-gentle teasing. “Cloud ain't putting out for ya?”

“I don't even like him like that!” Tifa's face reddened again.

“Unless he's wearing a dress, amIright?” Yuffie jabbed.

“Oh my god. I'm perfectly okay if we all don't talk until we're done.”

“He is gorgeous male or female...” Aerith chimed in.

“Aerith!” Tifa slapped her arm and the flower stalk she was attempting to paint wilted on the concrete surface.

“Kiss me if I'm wrong.” Aerith stuck her tongue out.

Tifa shook her head dismissively, though turned away and made a start on her own gift to the new President. Her smirk did not fade.

 

* * *

 

 

Aerith sighed and stood back from the wall. “All done!”

Tifa had long since finished and was keeping watch at the end of the street for on comers. Yuffie was adding some final details to her work, choking in a fog of airborne paint particles. Tifa jogged back to them.

She and Tifa clutched onto each others arms, reduced to a fit of giggles curbside.

Tifa forced composure, “That's really...something?”

Yuffie spun, and took a bow. She looked so, so proud of herself. Warranted, because Aerith knew few other people capable of rendering the likeness of Rufus ShinRa, bent over a table by a dragon of traditional Wutai design onto a wall using base primary colours – all in a couple of hours.

Tifa's graffiti was very tame. A simple three-tiered cake design with a lit fuze leading under the cake and bulging like it contained a cartoon-ish bomb, captioned “Welcome, Mr President.”

Aerith had taken her muse from The Gingerbread man in the folktales she remembered as a child that Elmyra told her at bedtimes. Her gingerbread man was wearing a pink dress, held a basket full of flowers and had a speech bubble above his head. “Run run run as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm a flower girl now.”

Yuffie was jumping now, pounding her fists in the air. “Get the PHS out. We gotta take a picture of this and send it in to Anonymous. We. Will. Go. VIRAL. It's gonna be HUUUUUGE!”

Tifa smiled, “Sounds painful. Who's Anonymous?”

“Cyber terrorists operating outta Wutai. I love em. We send this photo to em and they'll broadcast it on Twitter which is the new greatest craze with yuppies who can afford to piss their lives away on virtual platforms.”

Aerith grinned and considered Yuffie, slightly surprised by the girl. “Not yet...wait. One last touch.” She took the red paint and began writing underneath the murals.

'Dear Rufus, lots of love, 3 nasty women xox.'

“Now you're good!” Aerith made a 'ta-da!' gesture with her hands. She felt brazen and mischievous. Free, and having fun. Tifa grinned at her.

Yuffie snatched the PHS from Tifa's pocket and snapped a picture once Aerith left the viewfinder. After that photo had saved, she propped the phone against the curb and grabbed both Tifa and Aerith's hands, dragging them to the wall and hooking her elbows around both of their necks and striking a pose, she grinned proudly. “SAY CHEESE, bitchez!”

 

 

 


End file.
